Saturday, October 8, 2016

You do not have to go through life alone

A series of events caused me to enter into a very dark period of my life beginning October 4, 2015.  Several months later, I received some news that to say absolutely destroyed me would be an understatement.   During this time, I experienced what it feels like to be in the pit of depression, anxiety attacks, and true sleeplessness.   I wasn't able to do anything other than what needed to be done (take care of the kids, get them to school, fed, and work.) and for the first time in 14 years,  I was unable to host the "standard" Chapman Christmas.  I saw this the other day and it described my life back then perfectly:

It was suggested that I seek help, but in my mind, that meant that I was a failure.   If I couldn't fix this on my own, I have failed at life.  I thought between Google and a couple of books, I would be able to work through this on my own.   How wrong was I?   One afternoon, I just couldn't do it anymore, I had reached the end of my rope and called for an appointment with a therapist.  This started a season in my life of the right people at the right time in my life.   Within 15 minutes of my first appointment, my therapist had me pegged and I could not have been happier to have found someone to help point me in the right direction.  I knew I didn't want to go back to where I was, I wanted new direction and a new path.  I was very unhappy with where I was at and I wanted to change.  I was given the tools and the insight to work through most of the situations I was dealing with.  While some were unrelated to others, ultimately they were all affecting me in a negative way.  Having someone unbiased to talk through tough situations with, was the absolute turning point in my life.  It took a long time and many appointments, assignments, and hard work.  Sitting here today, writing this a little over a year later, I can honestly say that I am at my best version of myself.  If I had not sought out the professional help I needed back then, I would not be where I am at today.  I wish I would have sought out help a little earlier, but like I said, the right people at the right time in my life.

Around this same time, we stumbled upon a church that was hand tailored for us.   Each week from the very beginning, the sermon spoke exactly to the situations and circumstances that I had been going through.  I felt like I was the only person sitting in that church and the Pastor was speaking to me alone. Watching how God has worked in my life from this point is an incredible story on its own, one I will share in another blog post.

Am I perfect?  No.  Was I broken?  Yes.   Did that make me any less of a person? No, it only helped me grow into the person I am today.  Am I still learning and growing?  Absolutely!!! 

You do not need to walk through life alone.   You are not a failure if you need to ask for help.  You do not have to suffer through a battle that controls your thoughts.  Find someone to talk to.  Don't be like me and get to the point of a panic attack that feels like a heart attack before you decide to get help.

What did I learn?

  • Having Self Respect does not mean that you are selfish.    
  • I do not need to explain myself or defend my choices/circumstances to anybody.
  • Being kind does not mean you need to allow other people to control or manipulate you.
  • It doesn't matter who the person is, their title, or relation, It is OK to limit or remove toxic people from your life
  • Respect is not freely given, it is earned.  You don't owe anyone respect.  
  • Being kind could be as easy as keeping your mouth shut.
  • Honor and Respect are two very different words with very different meanings.
  • Indifference is a very valuable tool.
It is so freeing when you can truly get to a point where you don't care what other people think of you or what they say about you.  

I encountered three different groups of people during the past year and I am very thankful for all of them:

  1. Those who knew I was going through a difficult season in my life and offered support and love without knowing the details of the situations.   Thank you for being an example of true kindness and love.
  2. Those who just let me be and either didn't know or didn't care the specifics of my situation.  Thank you for just letting me be.
  3. Those who knew I was going through a difficult season and chose to shut me out, dismiss me from their lives, and gossip behind my back.   Thank you for showing me who I could truly count on.
I will not go into any specifics on my  personal situations or feed information to anybody who only wants to gossip; however, if you need help, let me know and I can either offer help or point you in the right direction. 


Saturday, May 18, 2013

Relay for Life 2013

This was my first year participating in Relay for Life.  I wanted to put into words why I Relay:

I was 33 years old when my Grandpa lost his battle with cancer.  I am so blessed to have had so many memory making years with my Grandpa.  I am a granddaughter of John VanLant, the Grandpa who was there for all of my high school and college graduations.  The Grandpa who danced with me at my wedding.  The Grandpa who was there to visit when both of my kids were born.  The Grandpa who was there, always!

  • I relay for the Granddaughter who wants to dance with her Grandpa at her wedding.
  • I relay for the caregiversMy Grandma was the living definition of the wedding vows, "In sickness and in health"  She sacrificed all of herself to care for my Grandpa and it was very humbling to watch.
  • I relay for the Great Grandchildren:  My two kids were afforded 7 and 4 years with their Great Grandpa and they still talk and laugh about the silly things that he would do with them.  Just his silly sound effects would set them off in a set of giggles.  Yes, my Grandpa was 80 when he was paying soccer with my kids.

I Relay for Life! 

This year the Murrieta Relay for Life raised $75,000 and still counting for the American Cancer Society.  A little something to give the Granddaughters, Caregivers, and Great Grandchildren hope and maybe a few extra years to create memories with their loved ones.

Friday, May 10, 2013

The Power of a name...

If there is one thing I learned in college, it was that you make people feel important when you refer to them by name.  When I picked Connor up from school today a little girl that has been in his class since the first grade waved to me.  I said, "Hi Faith, how are you?"  She looked at me and said, "How did you remember my name?"  I said, "you're worth remembering."  She walked away and then ran back up to me and wrapped her arms around me and said, "Oh, I love you."

The next time you are introduced to someone, make a conscious effort to remember their name!

Friday, April 19, 2013

My poor daughter...and salesman son

It has been incredibly exhausting for me the past few months.  My workload has increased and there is a lot of uncertainty in the air regarding work.  I do not like the unknown!!!  Add all of that to the kids' homework, housework, etc.  I am just flat out tired.


Yesterday morning while I was trying to convince Kayla to hurry up and eat breakfast so I could comb her hair, I sighed and said, "Kayla, we should go away for the weekend to a hotel, just you and me."  She didn't say anything and I went to work and she went to school.  When we got home yesterday, she put a DVD away that she wanted to watch for Friday movie night and said, "We aren't going to have Friday movie night because you are taking me to a hotel, right?"

I tried to explain that I was just fantasizing, hoping for a nice and relaxing weekend.  Kayla would have none of my explaining because she was in tears saying, "but you promised you would take me somewhere..."

We can't go away for the weekend, but hopefully she will settle with sewing owl pillows.  I am hoping that in her mind, spending time together will be enough, whether it be at home or in a hotel...


Connor has been saving his money for a new Lego game that is coming out for his 3DS.  He is $10 away and the game will be in stores this Sunday.  Yesterday, Connor propositioned me:  Since the mornings are so stressful to get everyone ready for school, he wants to be my personal butler.  He will do what I ask and I have to pay him (even though he got twice the going rate from John for taking the trash out yesterday).

So, this morning, Connor got Kayla's lunch box out, put out cups for milk, and even carried my coffee cup to my car (and helped himself to the quarters in my car before he left).  I have my own little I just have to teach him how to clean the toilets...

Have a great weekend.

Monday, April 1, 2013

Just say no to drugs!!!

John woke up early this morning to take his dad to the hospital for a pacemaker.  The kids woke up and were wondering where their dad was and I explained that he had to take Grandpa to the hospital.  Kayla seemed concerned and said that she would never go to the hospital for surgery.  Connor then goes on to explain why someone would need surgery:

"Kayla, the only reason someone needs surgery is because they take drugs.  So, if you don't do drugs then you will never need surgery!  Do you know what drugs are Kayla?  (Kayla shook her head no)  Look at Michael Jackson.  His Dr. gave him drugs instead of medicine and he died, I know this because I watched it on the news!  Just don't do drugs Kayla and you will be fine!"~ Connor Chapman

Wednesday, March 20, 2013

My kids...

It seems that everyday the kids are doing something news worthy- or so I think.  There is never a dull moment.  Here are some of the events from the past few days:


Background:  11 years ago, John and I were robbed after only being married a few months and the thieves took everything- even a dirty pancake griddle.

  • The other morning I leave for work and the garage door was left open all night.  I did a quick scan to make sure nothing was taken and determine that everything was OK and left to work without a second thought.  The next morning I have to take the kids to school and they are in the car before I am.  I back up and am sitting in the driveway reaching for the garage door remote control.  It was gone!  In a matter of four seconds my mind went to the day before when the garage door was open all night, the thieves took the garage door opener and are going to come back during the day and take all of our stuff, my face went pale, I didn't know what to do, and then the garage door goes down.  Shocked and confused, I look around and the kids are in the back seat laughing hysterically.  Connor took the garage door opener when he got in the car before me and thought a little practical joke was in order.  Relieved at that point I reach behind my seat and give him a playful smack on his leg which only added to the laughter.  Kayla speaks up and says, "Hey, hit me too, I kept the secret!"
Connor the Scholar:
  • The second trimester has ended at school and report cards are due home soon.  After I picked up the kids the other day, Kayla informs me that Connor got in trouble at school and was very serious about it.  I asked Connor what happened and with a shrug and sad face he told me that he had a letter from the Principal that I needed to look at.   Connor asked what kind of trouble he would be in for getting in trouble at school, etc.  Connor slowly goes into the house with his head down and opens his backpack to find the letter from the Principal.  Connor is receiving an award for academic achievement in April.  Again the hysterical laughter erupts and both of the kids are proud of another successful stunt towards me.
Kayla and her vocabulary:
  • For such a beautiful little girl, every conversation has to turn to poop, farting, or diarrhea- very obvious that she has an older brother.  Yesterday I told her that if she didn't stop I would have to talk to her teacher about her behavior at home.  I asked, "Is that what Mrs. Whelen teaches you at school?"  Kayla's reply, " Oh no, Mrs. Whelen teaches us about verbs, adjectives, sentences, Ostriches, and the Musk Ox!" 
Where does she learn these things?:
  • Yesterday during dinner Kayla comes up to me really close and asks if Daddy did this to me the first time he met me:  She brushed my hair behind my ear and said, "Hey, you're hot!"  Laughing, I told her that Daddy did not do that to me the first time we met, so then she goes on to brush the hair behind my ear again and cupped my cheek and said, "Hey, you're beautiful, did daddy say that to you the first time he met you?"  I told her that didn't happen either and asked where she learned these things.  Of course, she doesn't know.
The things these kids say and do never ceases to amaze me.  It does make for some good laughs looking back on it.

Wednesday, January 9, 2013

Still eating the BFC way!

I was reading Rosalie's blog over at and she mentioned that you have to find a healthy way to eat that you can live with forever. The Belly Fat Cure is my choice. What's not to love?

Last night I made some really quick and easy Buffalo Chicken Tacos, I saw the idea on Pinterest. Costco chicken shredded, cayenne pepper, salt, garlic powder, and Franks Red Hot. Ranch dressing, avocado, and a little more red hot and you are left with deliciousness.

I hope everybody had a good day!